Friday, June 29, 2012

Be Careful How You Celebrate A Birthday


True, your little girl only turns 5 once.  That being said, if you allow the birthday girl to think she's the star for three days in a row, you just might be setting a bad precedent.  For those of you who desire a loving first-week-of-being-five, with snuggles and kisses and gentle whispers of, "Yes, right away, Mommy!"... here is a list of what NOT to do:

Day One:  Talk all day about the coming slumber party/movie-fest with her 2 besties.

That evening, take her and said besties, along with BOTH Mommy and Daddy, to the theater.



After sodas the size of their heads and an extra-large bag of candy at the theater, proceed to your house where you allow them to eat a giant piece of sugar with extra-fattening sugar added onto the top,

Allow her to model new clothes as if she is the focal point of the evening.

And let her choose not only where to sleep (a giant fortress built by Daddy in the basement), but also at what time she would prefer to travel on to Slumberland.


Day Two:  Awake the Sleeping Beauties to the wafting aroma of birthday-girl pancakes.  More sugary goodness in a whole-wheat pancake disguise.

For a birthday t-ball game that is ridiculously being played while it is 104 degrees outside, be sure your child shares her developing diabetes with the entire t-ball team.


Leave the t-ball game and venture to the grandparent's house where more spoiling awaits.  

*Here is the most fun part - do not miss this step!*  Do not attempt to put the birthday girl in bed before 10:00.  As she was up until midnight the night before with another little chatterbox, this is the moment when you will finally recall, with deathly clarity, the words of your own mother ringing in your ears, "Well if you're going to act like this after you go to a slumber party, then you're just not going to the next one!"

 Day 3:  Detox, detox, detox.  And then when a package arrives from the Utah family brimming over with more presents than the Obama kids have, you can detox all over again.

Oh yes, and make sure to do one more thing.  When, in her delusional and exhausted state, she comes to you 10 times a day and asks you to hold her... put down your laundry, sit down on the chair, and snuggle up close.  
And just try. not. to. blink.