Why We Homeschool and Why You Shouldn't

I am not going to change your mind.  I’m not even going to try.  I am about to broach a hot-topic, and I’m ok with that.  So please hear my heart on this: I have absolutely no desire to persuade you to pull your children out of their public schools.  I simply intend to write about God’s movement in my heart, and hopefully in doing so, to speak to your own heart.

Over the past couple of years, God has been teaching me this thing about the vast importance of being real.  Honest.  Even in my ugliness. So here it is:  the real truth is that I have spent many years believing that homeschooling is for those who are fearful.  Those who couldn’t bear to send their beloved children into the “lion’s den” of the world.  

Sigh.  Since when do we, as Mommas, need one more thing to feel judged and insecure about? Such a messy heart of mine, black with judgment. 

                

That was the state of my heart this past July when I found myself extremely uneasy over the thought of my oldest two children going back to school.  The summer was progressing quickly.  I did not want to fight for yet another year to attempt to see my daughter challenged in her classroom.  Our Will learns so differently than other kids;  I was well aware that it would take a special person to figure out how he “fires” and help him keep that love for learning.  Perhaps most importantly, I had experienced how disconnected my Sophie-girl had become throughout the past school year after spending hours at school away from us each day.  It took a summer to reconnect and I deeply yearned  for more of that time to train their hearts!  

I simply felt… stuck.  

Then I heard the Lord's whisper.  “You don’t have to be stuck, Child. Walk with me.”  Hours of discussions and many prayers later, we knew what God was asking our family to do. 

When He placed this plan to homeschool on our hearts, God immediately supplied us with peace over our decision.   But  to better explain to you the work of God in me, we need to get a few things straight very quickly.  #1: I am neither a teacher nor naturally patient.  It only took me one college internship to realize I could NEVER work with tiny, squirming bodies in mass quantities ever again.  #2: I am not a crafty person.  If you ever wonder whether I made something cute I am wearing, please save yourself the breath of asking.  I have my craft mafia, and I pay them well.  #3: I am not overly intelligent.  I began college in the remedial math class and cried all the way through Dr. Newell’s Psych Stats class (full of thanks for an engineering boyfriend).  I knew that my name would not end up next to “homeschooling guru” in the dictionary.  However, I have seen the Lord supply what I need in many situations.  I had full confidence that He would prove faithful to carry my weaknesses yet again.

                

So… yeah.  Remember that honesty thing?  Here’s the embarrassing part.  Even while I had full confidence in what God was asking of us, and even though I knew that He would supply what I needed, I was still full of anxiety.  This fear inside me had nothing to do with the logistics of performing school. 

I was afraid of what others would think. 

Seems pretty silly, huh?  It made me feel like I was standing outside of my new school on the first day of 7^th grade with a large zit on my nose and hand-me-downs from my cousin Bertha.  But in reality I was a 34-yr-old mother of 3 and supposed to be past all of that peer-pressure stuff. 

When it is hard to do things that make us seem different from others, this a problem.  A problem that begins with a heart discontent in God’s plan.  As if I know better than HE, the creator of my very soul and the One who allowed me to awaken yet again today.

You and I, we were never meant to be just like each other. God created us to be different.  Since the very beginning of His creation, he’s been doing this thing called different.  For me, fear always sets in when I fester on the thinking that I should be more like HER, and that other gal should be more like ME.  When exactly did this become Motherhood – this clawing at each other in the midst of our insecurities, allowing Satan to lead us to believe that we each are not doing what is best for our beloved children?  These differences are the very tools that God intends to use for His purposes - to mold and shape our children into who He desires – yet we are too scared to step onto His new path.  And so we work desperately to keep our feet right where they are, holding our children tightly within our grasp, teaching them to be cookie-cutter children.  The only problem is, cookie-cutters can’t point a hurting world to a God who creates beauty and heals big hurts.

Father, He is reminding me of this daily.  Only I know my children.  Only you know yours.  My husband and I, we fall to our knees and cry out for His help.  We tip-toe into sleepy rooms and utter desperate prayers for wisdom with tear-streaked faces.  We scold little hands when they hurt others so we can point them toward Love.  I know you do the same.  We really aren’t different, you and I.  We love our children fierce.  And you and I, WE CAN DO NOTHING as parents.  On my own, I will fail to measure up to some other Mom - every single time. 

But the beauty of the Father is, He says it is NOT about me vs. you.  It is not about whose kids know their math facts best, who spends more time outdoors, or what year our houses were built.  It never was about those things.  It is about HIM.   I seek HIS call for MY family, and I follow.  You seek His different call for YOUR family, and you obey.  And that is success.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I cannot tell you how many times in my years as a Momma I actually said the words, “I could NEVER homeschool.” (Open mouth, insert foot.)  Even so, 12 weeks into our school year, I am deeply in love with Heartwaves Academy.   It thrills my soul to be in this place with my precious ones – watching them learn and laugh, teaching academics, training small hearts in life to the fullest, preparing soldiers for future battle.  Heartwaves has robbed me of my time and replaced it with gifts unexpected, eye-opening, beautiful.  Doesn’t He promise that if we trust Him, He will knock our socks off in ways we never even imagined?  He means every single word.

And you, my friend?  You encounter the Father in your own walk in other ways.  Your children see the Lord when you serve their teacher and when you love on that over-active child in their classroom. Or when you pick up your sweet ones from school and take them first to deliver food to your elderly neighbor.  

When we invest in our children just as He asks, we allow Him to pave the road for them He intended.  A perfect path just for them, to lead others to Him.

I can’t tell you what next school year will bring for the Tyson family.  In this house, we will seek the Lord.  As for you, I hope I have not convinced you to homeschool –  I honestly have no idea what you should do.  But He knows.  Seek Him with all of your heart.  Ignore the impulse to listen to your own understanding – follow HIS.  Then HE will set out your path.  It will be different.  But it will be straight.  Full of peace.  Infused with joy.  

The Will

There, in the middle of Walmart, it was happening.  Again.  He had chosen to disobey, and when made to sit in the cart as a result of his actions, the fit began.  The screaming, the shaking, the red face.

He's always had a very strong will, but this is a new thing.  My husband and I spoke in hushed tones as we drove away from the store, frustrated and scared and unsure what to do.  After we reached our house, it started up again in full force, until he was dry-heaving from screaming so hard.

My precious boy who can snuggle up to me at the drop of a hat and lay close while I sing "How Great Thou Art" into his ear.  The one who tells jokes and laughs and finds such excitement in life.  My boy who, at 3, already wants to save the world... as long as he can take a light saber and cape with him.  HE is not this one - this boy who throws an angry fit until he's literally sick from screaming for over an hour, allowing nothing to calm him.

Feeling sorry for myself, I found myself sobbing by the end of the week.  Why is he doing this?  What are we supposed to do?  I am so desperately afraid, to the very core of my soul, that we are completely messing up this child!!

The next morning I awoke to this scripture in my email inbox:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

 I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. 

Isaiah 42:16

My spirit soared within me as I read it, read it again, and then hurried into the bathroom to share it with my husband, getting ready for work.  He has shown me this before, my God.  Yet He knows how human I am, and how I often am lost in this "spiritual amnesia" (as Ann Voskamp so beautifully coined it).

I drank it in; let it fill every crevice of every dark place within my bones.

YES - this is a place we have not known - and we are absolutely blind.  He will lead us.  YES - this is darkness to us.  He will turn it into light right before our awestruck and humbled eyes.  YES - this is most certainly a rough place.  Yet even as I write, He is making it smooth.  He promised it would be so.  And I believe Him with all of my anguished and joy-filled heart.

Little Booger

We have many terms of endearment for Seth:

1. Little Booger!

2. Seth, No!  

3. Don't You Run Away From Me!

4. Seth Jeremy Tyson! 

5. Seth, Listen to Your Momma!  

6. You Get Over Here, Little Booger!

What am I learning from this little fireball?  Never tell God what you can't do.  He will prove otherwise to you.  And He will teach you how to absolutely love evcry minute almost every minute of it.

*Sigh*

I want so stinking badly to blog more often. Somehow it escapes me night after night. Before I know it the date of my last post was weeks ago and the picture that stares back is becoming increasingly irritating, like the skipping DVD player that wasn't so bad at first but gradually grew to a point where you wanted to pull the DVD player from the wall, cord and all, and smash it to smithereens against the floor. Of course I've never felt that way, I can just imagine that some people have.

Tonight it was Continuing Education that almost stole every minute away. Tomorrow it will be more of the same, along with some bills to pay. The next night? Laundry. Or dishes. Or perhaps laying in my husband's arms for a stolen few moments to chat.

Yet then I see this picture. I see them. This is truly what God has called me to: to love them during the day, not me. To see them and be with them - in the moment with them. Not working on another chore, not at my computer, not reading my books, NOT focused on ME. I am thankful, I am blessed beyond measure, I desire to be full of His love. Because He chose to love me, I choose to love them. And if that means blog posts are rare, I can live with that.

(Anyway, who really cares about updating my silly blog, when you can gaze at this picture for weeks to come?)

One of These Things Is Too Much Like the Other

If you are a dear, loyal friend who has rejected my past claims of increasing ditzyness since having children, and the fact that I'm losing my memory faster than an 80-year-old woman with Alzheimer's, doubt no longer.

It truly is a marvel that my children's limbs are all intact and our house hasn't burnt down. Yet.

It's Been Two Weeks Since My Last Post

Every day, from 7:30 to 5:30, I have four children in my house ages 3-and-a-half to 7 months. I really don't need to say more than that.



But before you begin feeling too sorry for me, please join me momentarily in a new thing that Christ is doing in me - whispered gratitudes, all day long.

#1: The joy on his face over a newly discovered game.


#2. The joy on mine over his cute rear in underpants. And the fact that I get to see it every day, instead of being at work missing him.


#3. This guy's smile. His giggles. His dimples. His giggles. His rolls. His giggles.

(And I finally have a baby that looks like me! Check out the chins in the above and below pics. No, there's no relation to Jay Leno.)

#4. Not only do I have four young kids every day, I GET four young kids every day. Their excitement about life is infectious, is it not?

#5. Before she "tries" to nap, she asks me to tell stories with her. Of course I've put all the others to bed first, because I anticipate this moment. We lay next to each other, snuggled together under her covers. I play with her hair and hold her close, and tell her silly stories of princesses and frogs and bunnies, of flying and becoming dragons and Mommies who really do know what's best (I have to squeeze that one in sometimes). A perfect moment in my day.

#6. Money is tight. Our house is quite small. And yet, this, too, is a gratitude I find arising from my heart. Those inconveniences are worth all of this. I am not missing out. I am filling their lives with God, their days with the lessons I choose. I am watching their eyes light up when they get it right for the first time. I am the one to hear when the baby first begins to babble. I am the one they run to when they are hurt and just need to be held.

So, Lord, our chaos is YOURS. And we praise you for that. And my blog, well, it may sit unvisited for weeks upon weeks. And you're teaching me to be ok with that. Because I'm living life with my children, one mess to the next, and one day at a time.

Potty Training 102

While so far not quite like my first experience potty training, teaching a boy how to "do his business" is... shall we say... different. Some friends requested a blog post with tips. This is the best I've got.

#1: Underpants are a must from the beginning. Side note: they are NOT panties. Please do not make the mistake of calling them such in front of your husband.

#2: Use any means necessary to make the potty fun. I could almost guarantee the inventor of the smart phone had no idea just how brilliant he was.


#3. Gravity does not work on all things. Mommy has to help out a bit. Side note: do not for a moment relax your "readiness stance". This will backfire. I'm just sayin'.

#4. Potty training can be stressful for a little one. Make sure he has good playmates or fun games to help him relax in the interim.


#5: Potty training is stressful for Mommy. Make sure to have a relief trainer ready to take over in the evenings. Side note: make sure your relief trainer is prepared for the commitment the job entails. Then, when the child is standing in a puddle of urine, said trainer won't look around and ask what was spilled.

#6: Do your best to keep the child happy during training days. Elbows to the face, sucker punches, and headlocks are off limits for the potty training child. All wrestling matches and sibling rivalries can resume after the child has completed his course.


#7: See #6. In keeping with the happy child rule, Easter bonnets, gaudy necklaces and princess dresses are within the boundaries of allowable apparel.


If you follow the above rules, you are sure to have your child potty trained within 3 hours of beginning the training session. This plan holds no guarantees. I assert that I am not a certified potty trainer and would never in my life wish that on my worst enemy. Just keepin' Mommyhood real.

He Must Become Greater

Hi friend. I've been thinking, and here's the deal. Sometimes I'm just not REAL with people. Why? Because I'm FULL. OF. PRIDE. You must be warned that you may decide you can't be my friend after reading what follows. Nevertheless, here are some things you should know about me.

1. Today I spent a little time on Facebook while my 20-mth-old son wandered around the house looking for something to do (and I'm sure he was wishing I would play with him).

2. That is not a first.

3. Sometimes when I'm emotional I "binge eat."

4. I haven't bathed/showered since Saturday evening. It's Tuesday afternoon. Yuck.

5. I often am frustrated when the kids are napping and it's time for me to do my Bible study. Sometimes I'd rather just nap with them.

6. I don't want to ever yell at my kids. But sometimes I do.

7. I've had clean laundry sitting unfolded in a basket on my couch since yesterday afternoon. That is actually a very short time compared to past instances.

8. I also have dishes in the sink, lunch still sitting on the table, and clothes/toys/books strewn all over the house. If you were to just drop by I would debate letting you in. I'm being serious.

9. I am skeptical about those around me and often find myself judging their motives, as if I could possibly know what they're thinking. As if I could know their hearts.

There you have it. I truly am ashamed to write these things. And I hate to tell you this, but there are many other evils lurking inside. In my desperate attempts to allow God to rid me of my pride, and give me a gentle nature, He asked me to move these things from my heart to my blog.

And He showed me this:


We may believe different things. I do, however, desire their humility. Face to the ground in worship, in awe, of the Creator. Let me be so humbled, Lord. Whatever it takes. I am before you, and I praise you for reminding me of John's own humble cry, "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)

Legacy

Is it too early for modeling the proper way... for guiding little hands...


For passing responsibility little by little as they are able...


For molding and shaping, teaching and training...


No, dear friend, it is never too early to begin. It takes but a gentle whisper of the Word, or a bouquet of songs of praise as the day passes. As for our family, amidst earthly traditions which we will cherish together, we choose foremost to begin now in leading our family down the path carved for us by those we love... continuing in a legacy for HIM.

"We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done... so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children." Psalm 78:4&6


Women Walking With God 2011 is all about Leaving a Legacy! Won't you join us here, in Wichita, to hear the blessed truths amongst 900 sweet sisters? Keep checking our website for further updates - tickets go on sale in November!

*Did you secretly notice that both of my boys had their tongues sticking out in concentration? Another Tyson-man legacy...*

Letter to Unidentified Mother At Sophie's Preschool

Dear other mother at Sophie's preschool who always looks immaculate and trendy, as if fresh from the runway, at 9:15 a.m:

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry that I am wearing the same pair of grey fleece sweat pants yet again. And yes, this is the same hat I've worn every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the last two months. Oh wait, there was one day that I wore my black hat instead.

I am sure that if I were to ask, you would tell me that you also have five other children at home, ages five and under, and you had no issues with getting them all ready this morning in order to drop off your 3-yr-old at preschool. And yes, I am aware that your child just so happens be wearing a cute little polka-dot backpack instead of a character backpack.

I also have no doubt that during our conversation you would tell me that your house is spotless, including waxed tile and Windexed windows. Your laundry is done, folded, and actually put away in drawers. Your yard is mowed and the flowers in your flower bed are alive.

I cannot think of much I would say in response to this, so I will conclude by saying just one thing: today I wanted to hold my baby while he slept. So I did.

Sincerely,
Kelly

Survival

A question I get asked frequently of late is, "How are things going?" With emphasis on "going," as if the answer is inherent in the question. Three children ages 3 and under. It can't be going well.

Well, let me put it this way. I definitely have had my days. I have great days when I think it will be a cake walk. Then the next day, well, they're more like TODAY.

That's when I call out all reinforcements, and we go into survival mode. Here are some tips for those who may feel in need of backup from time to time.

Step 1: From the first hint that it is going to be "one of those days," put on a DVD for the older kids, sit down with a cuppa Joe, and eat something sweet. Something that you really shouldn't eat for breakfast. Be rebellious for once in your life and just do it.


Step 2: After the first life-giving jolt of caffeine runs through your blood, and while said DVD is still distracting the kids, pull out the good old WORD. Nothing speaks calm to my soul better.


Step 3: Put aside the laundry (or the dusting, the vacuuming, etc...) and say YES to some fun with the kids. It may sound tiring... in truth, it probably is... but worth the effort.

Unfolded laundry:


Happy children:


Well, this one was happy until I pulled the play-do out of his mouth:

Step 4: Stop all attempts to get the baby to sleep on his back. He's not gonna do it today, and two other children want your attention. Nestle him onto his belly between the library books and unfinished laundry (where you can keep an eye on him) and take a deep breath.

Step 4.5: Insert more prayer/scripture meditation here... as the day goes on more of this is definitely needed!

Step 5: Make something really healthy... err... just make something easy for lunch (something you know they'll eat). For them and for you.

Step 6: Let the kids entertain each other. Middle of the day water-play? What a great idea!

Hide and seek under your bed covers? Ingenious!!

Step 7: Naptime for all, or "Personal Play Time" for 3-year-olds who don't wish to nap yet again.

Step 8: Whisper a prayer of THANKS for moments of gentle answers amidst the chaos. Don't forget to THANK him for the precious ones who fill your heart... what gifts they truly are.

Have Mercy On Me

Today I've been thinking about this post I wrote on being a cracked pot. It's true, I am one. Lately I've been finding it easier to wallow in self-pity than to ask Him to be my strength. I've spent many evenings crying. I've had too, too many days of short fuses where my precious three-year-old, with baby blues so big and round, stares up at me trying to figure out how she can please me. Oh Lord, I wonder in those moments, when I feel that the confusion and sorrow in her eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life... Oh Lord, how did I come to this? Please, let this not be me. Let her not remember me this way.

Is it pregnancy fatigue/hormones? Perhaps. Is it a recurrence of old depressions, old insecurities, pushing back at a weak moment in my life? Could be. Or are those just excuses straight from Satan himself... he is watching, after all. He knows when I am weak. He is a strategist and knows just the right time to attack.

So, the question is: do I let him win? I could allow him to play back that old tape in my mind... the one that is on "repeat" and reminds me of my failures - remember how hurt your beloved children were?... remember how harsh you've been to your mother... remember how you made your husband feel he was at fault... remember how dishonest you've been, acting as if everything's okay when inside you're crumbling... remember... remember... remember.

I could let him play that tape again. Or perhaps today it's time to believe. My precious Jesus - He chose to die so that I might never remember these things again. My heart should be free from a guilty conscience because I believe Him - He promised to cleanse me and so He does!

So this week, I have chosen to record over that old tape. When Satan hits play, this is what he'll hear: I am tired of you telling me I'm not a good Mommy. They are my treasures! He loves them so much more than I do, yet He still entrusted them to me. He believes in me! I will not disappoint him. I will speak gently. I will make more time for what they desire. I will exhibit love to them. Yes, I will mess up. And I will not feel guilty! I will simply start again, taking back the day.

Truly, I deserve punishment for how I've acted. Yet Christ is full of mercy to me in my time of need. Oh praise you, Jesus!

*Some of these concepts were adapted from a study written by Beth Moore entitled "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things"

Once You Have A Little Girl...

You learn that a man dressed in drag can be quite sexy.

Absolutely Perfect

"Are my ears broken?"

Is my 2-year-old really asking me this?! Give me wisdom, Lord.

"No, sweet girl. They're not broken. They're perfect. God made your ears perfect!"

"For everything God created is good..." 1 Tim 4:4

It Was Bound to Happen

Yes, that's spit up. I'm just glad it happened on a day I was sick and wearing my glasses.



While I was enjoying my son's bodily fluids much more closely than I would prefer, my husband was off whale watching and eating fresh seafood while visiting his good buddy Shawn in Alaska. Check out the Phelps blog for pictures.

God Does NOT Hear Whiney Voices

I mentioned in a previous post that I have been taking Love and Logic courses (some wonderful parenting courses). One of the suggestions they talk about in those classes is for use with whiney children. When the child is whining, you're supposed to tell them something like, "Oh, that's too bad - I don't hear whiney voices. If you want me to hear you, you need to use your big girl voice." I have tried this with Sophie, and although she's still a little young to fully grasp it, I do think it helps even at her age.

Yesterday I found myself whining to God. I was having a moment of extreme discomfort and wound up pleading with God to please just let this baby come now. No sooner had I uttered the words than I felt an immediate stirring in my heart as God spoke to me, "I don't hear whiney voices, either, my child."

Wow. Talk about humility. As I try my best to raise my child to be polite, loving and godly, how much must it disappoint our Lord when I turn to Him and do those exact things that I'm training Sophie not to do?!

Whining does not get Sophie what she wants. And it will not get me what I want. In Ephesians 3:12, Paul writes that if I have faith I can "approach God with freedom and confidence." I am given the freedom to approach God with anything! He does care that I'm uncomfortable. But He also wants to train me to be a gentle and quiet woman of God.

Maybe Her Teeth Will Grow Closer Now

We're officially pacifier-free in our house! Sophie was only using her paci for naps and bedtime, but has now made the transition to sleeping without.

On Tuesday night I thought I'd just let her choose (thanks to Love & Logic classes), so I offered her the paci or a new Elmo doll to sleep with. She chose Elmo. I don't think she really realized until I left the room. A few tears were shed, and after I went in to console her one time she was off to slumberland. For her nap yesterday afternoon, I just gave her Elmo and put her down. After the slightest bit of whining she was asleep.

This little girl who fought me to take a bottle, fought me to go to day care (all three of them), fought me to go to the church nursery, fought me to nap at an early age, etc; this little girl who is the reason I purchased the book The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson; this little girl just made one of the easiest transitions in her young life and shocked the bugeebers out of mom and dad.

We're so thankful.