Why We Homeschool and Why You Shouldn't

I am not going to change your mind.  I’m not even going to try.  I am about to broach a hot-topic, and I’m ok with that.  So please hear my heart on this: I have absolutely no desire to persuade you to pull your children out of their public schools.  I simply intend to write about God’s movement in my heart, and hopefully in doing so, to speak to your own heart.

Over the past couple of years, God has been teaching me this thing about the vast importance of being real.  Honest.  Even in my ugliness. So here it is:  the real truth is that I have spent many years believing that homeschooling is for those who are fearful.  Those who couldn’t bear to send their beloved children into the “lion’s den” of the world.  

Sigh.  Since when do we, as Mommas, need one more thing to feel judged and insecure about? Such a messy heart of mine, black with judgment. 

                

That was the state of my heart this past July when I found myself extremely uneasy over the thought of my oldest two children going back to school.  The summer was progressing quickly.  I did not want to fight for yet another year to attempt to see my daughter challenged in her classroom.  Our Will learns so differently than other kids;  I was well aware that it would take a special person to figure out how he “fires” and help him keep that love for learning.  Perhaps most importantly, I had experienced how disconnected my Sophie-girl had become throughout the past school year after spending hours at school away from us each day.  It took a summer to reconnect and I deeply yearned  for more of that time to train their hearts!  

I simply felt… stuck.  

Then I heard the Lord's whisper.  “You don’t have to be stuck, Child. Walk with me.”  Hours of discussions and many prayers later, we knew what God was asking our family to do. 

When He placed this plan to homeschool on our hearts, God immediately supplied us with peace over our decision.   But  to better explain to you the work of God in me, we need to get a few things straight very quickly.  #1: I am neither a teacher nor naturally patient.  It only took me one college internship to realize I could NEVER work with tiny, squirming bodies in mass quantities ever again.  #2: I am not a crafty person.  If you ever wonder whether I made something cute I am wearing, please save yourself the breath of asking.  I have my craft mafia, and I pay them well.  #3: I am not overly intelligent.  I began college in the remedial math class and cried all the way through Dr. Newell’s Psych Stats class (full of thanks for an engineering boyfriend).  I knew that my name would not end up next to “homeschooling guru” in the dictionary.  However, I have seen the Lord supply what I need in many situations.  I had full confidence that He would prove faithful to carry my weaknesses yet again.

                

So… yeah.  Remember that honesty thing?  Here’s the embarrassing part.  Even while I had full confidence in what God was asking of us, and even though I knew that He would supply what I needed, I was still full of anxiety.  This fear inside me had nothing to do with the logistics of performing school. 

I was afraid of what others would think. 

Seems pretty silly, huh?  It made me feel like I was standing outside of my new school on the first day of 7^th grade with a large zit on my nose and hand-me-downs from my cousin Bertha.  But in reality I was a 34-yr-old mother of 3 and supposed to be past all of that peer-pressure stuff. 

When it is hard to do things that make us seem different from others, this a problem.  A problem that begins with a heart discontent in God’s plan.  As if I know better than HE, the creator of my very soul and the One who allowed me to awaken yet again today.

You and I, we were never meant to be just like each other. God created us to be different.  Since the very beginning of His creation, he’s been doing this thing called different.  For me, fear always sets in when I fester on the thinking that I should be more like HER, and that other gal should be more like ME.  When exactly did this become Motherhood – this clawing at each other in the midst of our insecurities, allowing Satan to lead us to believe that we each are not doing what is best for our beloved children?  These differences are the very tools that God intends to use for His purposes - to mold and shape our children into who He desires – yet we are too scared to step onto His new path.  And so we work desperately to keep our feet right where they are, holding our children tightly within our grasp, teaching them to be cookie-cutter children.  The only problem is, cookie-cutters can’t point a hurting world to a God who creates beauty and heals big hurts.

Father, He is reminding me of this daily.  Only I know my children.  Only you know yours.  My husband and I, we fall to our knees and cry out for His help.  We tip-toe into sleepy rooms and utter desperate prayers for wisdom with tear-streaked faces.  We scold little hands when they hurt others so we can point them toward Love.  I know you do the same.  We really aren’t different, you and I.  We love our children fierce.  And you and I, WE CAN DO NOTHING as parents.  On my own, I will fail to measure up to some other Mom - every single time. 

But the beauty of the Father is, He says it is NOT about me vs. you.  It is not about whose kids know their math facts best, who spends more time outdoors, or what year our houses were built.  It never was about those things.  It is about HIM.   I seek HIS call for MY family, and I follow.  You seek His different call for YOUR family, and you obey.  And that is success.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I cannot tell you how many times in my years as a Momma I actually said the words, “I could NEVER homeschool.” (Open mouth, insert foot.)  Even so, 12 weeks into our school year, I am deeply in love with Heartwaves Academy.   It thrills my soul to be in this place with my precious ones – watching them learn and laugh, teaching academics, training small hearts in life to the fullest, preparing soldiers for future battle.  Heartwaves has robbed me of my time and replaced it with gifts unexpected, eye-opening, beautiful.  Doesn’t He promise that if we trust Him, He will knock our socks off in ways we never even imagined?  He means every single word.

And you, my friend?  You encounter the Father in your own walk in other ways.  Your children see the Lord when you serve their teacher and when you love on that over-active child in their classroom. Or when you pick up your sweet ones from school and take them first to deliver food to your elderly neighbor.  

When we invest in our children just as He asks, we allow Him to pave the road for them He intended.  A perfect path just for them, to lead others to Him.

I can’t tell you what next school year will bring for the Tyson family.  In this house, we will seek the Lord.  As for you, I hope I have not convinced you to homeschool –  I honestly have no idea what you should do.  But He knows.  Seek Him with all of your heart.  Ignore the impulse to listen to your own understanding – follow HIS.  Then HE will set out your path.  It will be different.  But it will be straight.  Full of peace.  Infused with joy.  

*Sigh*

I want so stinking badly to blog more often. Somehow it escapes me night after night. Before I know it the date of my last post was weeks ago and the picture that stares back is becoming increasingly irritating, like the skipping DVD player that wasn't so bad at first but gradually grew to a point where you wanted to pull the DVD player from the wall, cord and all, and smash it to smithereens against the floor. Of course I've never felt that way, I can just imagine that some people have.

Tonight it was Continuing Education that almost stole every minute away. Tomorrow it will be more of the same, along with some bills to pay. The next night? Laundry. Or dishes. Or perhaps laying in my husband's arms for a stolen few moments to chat.

Yet then I see this picture. I see them. This is truly what God has called me to: to love them during the day, not me. To see them and be with them - in the moment with them. Not working on another chore, not at my computer, not reading my books, NOT focused on ME. I am thankful, I am blessed beyond measure, I desire to be full of His love. Because He chose to love me, I choose to love them. And if that means blog posts are rare, I can live with that.

(Anyway, who really cares about updating my silly blog, when you can gaze at this picture for weeks to come?)

And We're Off

Genuine smiles as we sit in the Wichita airport awaiting the beginning of our Argentinian adventure.

In just a few short weeks, God has slowly taken me out of that state of ridiculous bouts of sobbing in my vehicle while my children wait, too nervous to say anything because Mommy is acting a little, well, crazy. He's replaced that silly ball of nerves with the peace that only He can provide, because I am finding rest in Him alone. So when those other thoughts creep in, I am refreshing with His word, where I should have been resting all along.

Because truly, O Lord, "your love is better than life, [so] my lips will glorify you." Psalm 63:3

Here's to a great journey with my God, my beloved husband, and the people of Argentina! (Meanwhile, our kiddos are making sweet memories all their own). I can't wait to tell you all about it!

One of These Things Is Too Much Like the Other

If you are a dear, loyal friend who has rejected my past claims of increasing ditzyness since having children, and the fact that I'm losing my memory faster than an 80-year-old woman with Alzheimer's, doubt no longer.

It truly is a marvel that my children's limbs are all intact and our house hasn't burnt down. Yet.

Ever Had A "Moment?"

When I saw this picture, I had one. Then I took a deep breath, and told myself that she's about to turn 4, not 14. Tighter hugs and longer stories tonight, sweet girl.

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

I've never quite felt the meaning of that quote from Dickens until this weekend. Send me with a group of 9 of my girlfriends to Oklahoma City, sans children, for a getaway and to run a half marathon? Sounds wonderful!! Sign me up! Wanna run all 13 miles in the rain (sometimes pouring), while it's only 47 degrees outside? Don't let me forget to mention that you will be so cold that you cannot uncurl your fingers from the fist they're in, your socks will be so wet that they will sink slowly into your shoes allowing your shoe to rub a bloody mess into your heel, and you will not beat the personal record that you'd been certain to demolish. Hmmm... maybe I would think twice about that one.

But you wanna know the truth? I WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING. I had to pass on the list of what I learned this weekend to my loyal readers.

#1 - The women of God at Northside Church of Christ are JUST. SOMETHING. SPECIAL. I've known that before, of course. But I experienced it on a whole new level this weekend. The time we spent laughing; eating; sharing truths from His Word; encouraging one another; eating; a few tears; eating... it was all just... priceless.

It is no wonder that God tells us to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds..." & to "...not give up meeting together... but let us encourage one another..." He knew how much we would need each other.


#2. Pigs don't sweat.

#3. I hate the treadmill. I hate the rain even more. If there is any threat of rain, I will not run outside. Even if I am supposed to run 10 miles. So what did running 13 miles in these conditions teach me? A reminder of one of my favorite truths - that He can do "immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." Finishing THAT... well... it wasn't me. It was Him.


#4. Bondi-bands are not only hip and trendy, they are necessary for running in the rain, eating chocolate, and robbing hotel rooms.

#5. I need more humility. I do NOT have to be the best. I do NOT have to run faster than last time. It's ok if other people who are running their first 1/2 marathon match my time (or beat me). :) I pushed through; I finished. And for today, that is good enough. Because that is where God needed me to be, for today.

#6. I miss Ted's even more than I thought.


Oh how thankful I am for my weekend, my friends, and the goodness of my God!

Deliverance

"Momma, I wanna read you a Bible story. It's called, 'Jesus to the Rescue!'" Fits of giggles erupted from us both, four feet entwined as we tickled and wrestled and finally settled to listen to her story.

She read her story, and soon she came to the page named after the title, where she called out yet again in her little (yet oh, so big!) 3-year-old voice, "Jesus to the reeeescuuuue!!!"

Without missing a beat, she continued on, captivated by her own saga. The one that told of sorrow and trouble, and this superhero, this Jesus, who made everything okay.

And as I sat and listened... it just... HIT me. "Yes, my child! YES!! He IS your superhero, isn't He? Please remember, sweet girl. Never forget. For He is mine as well. Praise Him, He rescued me. And He still does, every day. Oh praise Him!"

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:13-14

J-O-Y

Of late, I am joyful. It fills my heart, urging me to sing, demanding that I praise Him. Why?

I. AM. FREE.

Have you known me in the past? Laden with burdens, drowning in guilt, sorrowful in comparing myself to others. Not anymore. At first He whispered His love to me. I didn't listen. Then He spoke it. I turned away. I heard the words but jut couldn't believe. And my life was an example of one who was carrying quite a load.

Somewhere, in His mercy, and His great love for me, He chose to shout. Oh, praise Him. For now I see that list of my faults, and I am full of joy!! I know, friend, you want to laugh. Joy? Over your faults? Of course, you must understand - I do want to change those things. But I finally see how I cannot EVER do that on my own. His Spirit will guide me, and He will continue to forgive me, because HE LOVES ME.

So... yes. I am a sinner. Yes, I yell at my kids sometimes. Yes, I have a dirty bathroom. Yes, I find myself judging other people. And PRAISE HIS NAME, I am forgiven. Now I can choose to take my life and make it better. Because He gives me hope. His hope does not disappoint. It brings me joy!!

He Must Become Greater

Hi friend. I've been thinking, and here's the deal. Sometimes I'm just not REAL with people. Why? Because I'm FULL. OF. PRIDE. You must be warned that you may decide you can't be my friend after reading what follows. Nevertheless, here are some things you should know about me.

1. Today I spent a little time on Facebook while my 20-mth-old son wandered around the house looking for something to do (and I'm sure he was wishing I would play with him).

2. That is not a first.

3. Sometimes when I'm emotional I "binge eat."

4. I haven't bathed/showered since Saturday evening. It's Tuesday afternoon. Yuck.

5. I often am frustrated when the kids are napping and it's time for me to do my Bible study. Sometimes I'd rather just nap with them.

6. I don't want to ever yell at my kids. But sometimes I do.

7. I've had clean laundry sitting unfolded in a basket on my couch since yesterday afternoon. That is actually a very short time compared to past instances.

8. I also have dishes in the sink, lunch still sitting on the table, and clothes/toys/books strewn all over the house. If you were to just drop by I would debate letting you in. I'm being serious.

9. I am skeptical about those around me and often find myself judging their motives, as if I could possibly know what they're thinking. As if I could know their hearts.

There you have it. I truly am ashamed to write these things. And I hate to tell you this, but there are many other evils lurking inside. In my desperate attempts to allow God to rid me of my pride, and give me a gentle nature, He asked me to move these things from my heart to my blog.

And He showed me this:


We may believe different things. I do, however, desire their humility. Face to the ground in worship, in awe, of the Creator. Let me be so humbled, Lord. Whatever it takes. I am before you, and I praise you for reminding me of John's own humble cry, "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)

I Love Her

Letter to Unidentified Mother At Sophie's Preschool

Dear other mother at Sophie's preschool who always looks immaculate and trendy, as if fresh from the runway, at 9:15 a.m:

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry that I am wearing the same pair of grey fleece sweat pants yet again. And yes, this is the same hat I've worn every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the last two months. Oh wait, there was one day that I wore my black hat instead.

I am sure that if I were to ask, you would tell me that you also have five other children at home, ages five and under, and you had no issues with getting them all ready this morning in order to drop off your 3-yr-old at preschool. And yes, I am aware that your child just so happens be wearing a cute little polka-dot backpack instead of a character backpack.

I also have no doubt that during our conversation you would tell me that your house is spotless, including waxed tile and Windexed windows. Your laundry is done, folded, and actually put away in drawers. Your yard is mowed and the flowers in your flower bed are alive.

I cannot think of much I would say in response to this, so I will conclude by saying just one thing: today I wanted to hold my baby while he slept. So I did.

Sincerely,
Kelly

T-Minus One Week

I'm technically 38 weeks today. Thankfully I have a merciful doctor. Induction scheduled for Monday the 23rd if he doesn't decide to make an appearance before that. Please pray for safe delivery and healthy baby boy!!

Have Mercy On Me

Today I've been thinking about this post I wrote on being a cracked pot. It's true, I am one. Lately I've been finding it easier to wallow in self-pity than to ask Him to be my strength. I've spent many evenings crying. I've had too, too many days of short fuses where my precious three-year-old, with baby blues so big and round, stares up at me trying to figure out how she can please me. Oh Lord, I wonder in those moments, when I feel that the confusion and sorrow in her eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life... Oh Lord, how did I come to this? Please, let this not be me. Let her not remember me this way.

Is it pregnancy fatigue/hormones? Perhaps. Is it a recurrence of old depressions, old insecurities, pushing back at a weak moment in my life? Could be. Or are those just excuses straight from Satan himself... he is watching, after all. He knows when I am weak. He is a strategist and knows just the right time to attack.

So, the question is: do I let him win? I could allow him to play back that old tape in my mind... the one that is on "repeat" and reminds me of my failures - remember how hurt your beloved children were?... remember how harsh you've been to your mother... remember how you made your husband feel he was at fault... remember how dishonest you've been, acting as if everything's okay when inside you're crumbling... remember... remember... remember.

I could let him play that tape again. Or perhaps today it's time to believe. My precious Jesus - He chose to die so that I might never remember these things again. My heart should be free from a guilty conscience because I believe Him - He promised to cleanse me and so He does!

So this week, I have chosen to record over that old tape. When Satan hits play, this is what he'll hear: I am tired of you telling me I'm not a good Mommy. They are my treasures! He loves them so much more than I do, yet He still entrusted them to me. He believes in me! I will not disappoint him. I will speak gently. I will make more time for what they desire. I will exhibit love to them. Yes, I will mess up. And I will not feel guilty! I will simply start again, taking back the day.

Truly, I deserve punishment for how I've acted. Yet Christ is full of mercy to me in my time of need. Oh praise you, Jesus!

*Some of these concepts were adapted from a study written by Beth Moore entitled "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things"

30 Weeks and Counting

I'm not quite convinced that I want to post this, but here is Baby #3 in all his 30-weeks-and-really-huge glory (for those of you unfamiliar with pregnancy lingo, that means I still have TEN WEEKS until I reach my due date):

This looks pretty close to the 38-week pictures of Sophie, although I still did look a little bigger in those pictures, thank goodness.

The latest baby news: I had a second sonogram last week (recheck of a low-lying placenta). Everything looked good, placenta issue was resolved, but little baby boy is BIG. Now was that really ever a question when you consider a) the current size of this belly, and b) the size of the last baby boy I delivered (9 lbs 11 oz, for those of you who forgot)? The tech who performed the sonogram was quite amused at how big he was. The sono was guestimating that he's about 2 weeks bigger than average, and somewhere in the 92nd to 94th %ile.

At this point my doctor is wanting to induce about a week early because of his size, which would mean either Aug 20 or 23. It really won't be that long now, which is kinda scary. I have no idea how I'm supposed to manage a 3-yr-old, 18-month-old, and newborn. I'm definitely more nervous about this little guy than I was about my other pregnancies. Funny that it would come with my third - you'd think it was old hat by now!

And just in case you're wondering, the questions and comments about my size are in full bloom. Many people wondering if it's going to be any day. Lots of exclamations such as "Oh my goodness you're huge!" Definitely not kidding. Ben is very sweet to manage an extremely sympathetic look that says "I know you hate these people but lets just pretend what they said is okay,"... deep inside I think he wants to make the same comments. Believe me, I am fully aware what an immense blessing it is to have a husband who holds his tongue at times such as this!!

Movin' On Up

Yesterday marked 21 weeks for me. Just over half-way there. Yay! I am a summer girl and normally say the hotter the better. However, this will be one summer I'll be anxious to get through quickly.

Me yesterday:


Me at 21 weeks with Sophie:


At 19.5 weeks with Will:

I feel like my belly looks pretty similar to when I was prego with Will. Hope this baby's not gonna be another giant like that boy!!

Granny-Great Went To See Jesus

That's what I told Sophie today. Is there really a good way to tell a 2-year-old that her Great-Grandma has passed away? When I told her Granny-Great had gone to see Jesus, she said, "Is she happy?" *Tears* "Yes she is, sweetheart. She's very happy!"

My granny was done fighting her cancer. She'd tried many times, and she was ready to go home - ready to see Jesus; ready to see my sweet Granddad.

I came across this picture from my college graduation today while sorting through a box of old pictures. It is priceless and will evermore be close to my heart.



More than their love, they passed a legacy of faith to my mom, and to me. As I watch my children grow in HIM, I'll forever be thankful for that legacy.

Rest in Jesus' arms, Granny.

Pure Motivation

Quality time with Mommy...


OR

The pre-dinner goodness...

You be the judge.

When the Workin' Day is Done...

... oh girls just wanna have fun! (Are you singing with me yet?)

Yes, I'll definitely be THIRTY on Sunday. And as you saw in the previous post, my sweet hubby braved the kiddos for the weekend so I could celebrate Kansas City style.

My sister, Katie, met me and our dear friend, Tara, in KC on Friday night. We slept until 9:00 a.m. on Saturday morning - it was heaven.

Here are the three of us before we left the hotel Saturday morning. Tara in the middle, Katie in green.


We did lots of shopping. Unfortunately for me, I almost gave Tara a heart attack when I picked up a serious case of mallchairitis at Oak Park Mall. The good news it was gone within the hour.


Tara couldn't keep her eyes off the double-decker carousel. I had known all along I couldn't leave KC without the mandatory you're-turning-30-so-you-better-go-ride-the-carousel-and-get-the-last-bit-of-kid-out-of-your-system ride, so off we went.


Tara chose a pint-sized dolphin.


I chose the mammoth panda bear, which just might have been larger than real pandas.


Katie and I took this fabulous picture at the Plaza while listening to our favorite band-0f-the-day perform. You can see them in the background. I'll send my firstborn child to anyone who can tell me the name of that band.

We finished the night with a yummy dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. It was my second choice, but after a clothing mishap we found ourselves unsuitable for dinner at the Peach Tree.

Aaah, fair Kansas City, you have stolen our hearts. Until next time, dream of future ELG visits! (ELG = Eroh Lytton Girls)

It Was Bound to Happen

Yes, that's spit up. I'm just glad it happened on a day I was sick and wearing my glasses.



While I was enjoying my son's bodily fluids much more closely than I would prefer, my husband was off whale watching and eating fresh seafood while visiting his good buddy Shawn in Alaska. Check out the Phelps blog for pictures.

Not That Satisfying for the Work It Required

I found myself running the circle around our kitchen and living room today with a Little Debbie 100 Calorie brownie, attempting to avoid the salivating toddler who was chasing me. Really, the thing only offers 3 bites. Can't I have all 3 of them?

On the bright side, maybe I worked off 10 of the calories.