Thursday, January 27, 2011

Potty Training 102

While so far not quite like my first experience potty training, teaching a boy how to "do his business" is... shall we say... different. Some friends requested a blog post with tips. This is the best I've got.

#1: Underpants are a must from the beginning. Side note: they are NOT panties. Please do not make the mistake of calling them such in front of your husband.

#2: Use any means necessary to make the potty fun. I could almost guarantee the inventor of the smart phone had no idea just how brilliant he was.


#3. Gravity does not work on all things. Mommy has to help out a bit. Side note: do not for a moment relax your "readiness stance". This will backfire. I'm just sayin'.

#4. Potty training can be stressful for a little one. Make sure he has good playmates or fun games to help him relax in the interim.


#5: Potty training is stressful for Mommy. Make sure to have a relief trainer ready to take over in the evenings. Side note: make sure your relief trainer is prepared for the commitment the job entails. Then, when the child is standing in a puddle of urine, said trainer won't look around and ask what was spilled.

#6: Do your best to keep the child happy during training days. Elbows to the face, sucker punches, and headlocks are off limits for the potty training child. All wrestling matches and sibling rivalries can resume after the child has completed his course.


#7: See #6. In keeping with the happy child rule, Easter bonnets, gaudy necklaces and princess dresses are within the boundaries of allowable apparel.


If you follow the above rules, you are sure to have your child potty trained within 3 hours of beginning the training session. This plan holds no guarantees. I assert that I am not a certified potty trainer and would never in my life wish that on my worst enemy. Just keepin' Mommyhood real.

11 comments:

Jenny Mears said...

This isn't something I would post on facebook, as most people don't want to hear it - but since this IS a blog post about potty training a boy.... after sitting for quite a while trying to get some pee to come out Hudson said to me "My penis is sticking up." I had already noticed this, my thought was "what do you expect, you have been playing with it for a good 5 mins!" What I actually said was "leave it alone and it will go back down". Oh, the joys of having a boy child!!!!

Ben the Daddy said...

I love it! And of course, daddy is thrilled that said boy screams in panic if anyone but mommy attempts to take him to the potty. "Sorry honey, I guess you'll have to take him again. I'll finish up your dinner."

Amy in Edmond said...

From personal experience, child #2 was very easy to potty train because he wanted to be just like child #1 and daddy.

Maybe child #3 for you will be a breeze. Good luck.

Holly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Holly said...

Ha! Thanks Kelly! Love it and good luck.

Dev said...

Oh, friend, you already know this, but I feel your...uh...joy? Yes, JOY, that we both have healthy children who are developing normal and will not be destined to a life of diapers/colostomies as many children w disabilities will be. Let's praise God for the wonderful way He made our children...that is after they're in bed and all of the pee is cleaned up. :-) It is tough at times, but just remember that we're on the potty train together! Oh, boys......

Grandma Eroh said...

Wonderful post, Kell! You have been blessed with a gift of writing! I hope he will let me take him when we babysit!

Tiny Toes said...

Well I'm trainin' again too, just not my own... Maddo is in the process... so we'll see. I loved your post! Keep 'em comin!

John and Megan said...

I laughed, I shared, I relate! You crack me up Kelly! And Ben, John soaks up the "blessing" of boys needing their moms too! How do you guys get away with it?

Kayla said...

I am cracking up! YOu just can't make this stuff up! :)

JEroh said...

Will has learned already? I'm still not sure I even do it correctly...